I decided to take a few days off from the Internet. I've been struggling with finding time to produce content that I am proud of. If I'm being honest, finding direction is an on-going theme throughout most of my life at this moment in time.
I've been trying to figure out why I haven't really felt at home in this state that I've lived in for 2.5yrs already. What I've come to learn so far is that I don't feel settled, because I haven't yet put down any roots. I've been renting since I moved, up until 5months ago I was self employed and even now I am not pursing the career of my dreams, the list goes on. I just haven't found my footing yet, and it's never taken me this long before so I'm feeling out of my element. Florida is challenging me, I don't say this in a negative way. I do believe that it is encouraging me to grow, but often times growth spurts are uncomfortable and awkward. They aren't always fun.
To share a small example: this afternoon I was having coffee with a friend and they asked me to share something about myself that most people don't know... two things happened in this moment, my mind filled with a list of things and at the same time I could feel a wall go up. It was the weirdest thing, I don't recall ever editing myself before, but for some reason I've been doing that recently. That isn't the kind of person I want to be and that isn't what I want my friendships to be built on.
I know that all the little things I am facing in this moment can be changed, heck they will be changed because I am purposefully taking steps towards change. This leaves me out of my comfort zone but thankful.
I hope you don't mind a little ramble, this post doesn't really have a conclusion because I have not yet come to one myself. I just felt the need to break the blog silence and I felt like sharing what was on my heart.